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Steve aka the new Bob

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Here's something to tie you over for the next month or so before NHL 09 is released.

- Roster is up to date with trades and UFA signings.
- There has been re-rates
- Updated aidata (with very subtle changes)
- Updated sliders (very subtle changes)

Feel free to try you line combinations and throw in a prospect or 2.

If someone knows how to make the fmisc.viv work for exhibition games online so it's an exact replica of season mode sliders, please let me know.

Here's the link:
exh, sliders and aidata

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With free agency completed and rosters for the most part set, teams are now focusing on trades to further improve their chances for this upcoming season. I thought it might be fun to subjectively rank each team's potential top line, based upon current rosters. Key in on that word "subjective", boys - that means it's strictly opinion and since I'm ranking them, someone will be #1 and someone #30. By itself, it doesn't mean much, as guys like Dave Gove can land on top lines and produce in this game (do it, Mike!), but it's interesting nonetheless.

1. Montreal: Ovechkin - Richards - Tanguay

Whatever happened to the good old days when Montreal was just really good, not scary-assed ridiculous? You know you're on to something when Alex Tanguay is barely a top-line guy on your team. Ovechkin leads the universe in everything good. Le Sergio is le bitch favorite in le East, I'd say.

2. Detroit: Zetterberg - Kopitar - Semin

Freaky. No wonder stupid Detroit won the stinkin' Cup. They have about eighteen top-sixers on their roster, seemingly, led by these three studs. They actually look a lot like the real Wings, with a mixture of skating John McCains and snot-nosed pups.

3. New York Rangers: Horton - Spezza - St. Louis

Art's going to gyrate his roster a few more times before the season starts, so who knows if this will be it in October. For now, however, this line combines power, playmaking and sniping and is just a hair behind the top two. Suck on it, Art - the cigar, of course, from the old avatar (sickos).

4. Dallas: Vanek - Crosby - Parise

In real life, these three guys make about 20 kabillion dollars in combined salaries. Here, a mere $20 million, which means Dallas might have some depth issues ultimately, but they sure do have a hell of a top line. If he could sing at all, Crosby's nickname would be "Bing". Martin swears he'll be able to play his games this year. If so, most of us will be swearing at our computer screens when these three perform their magic.

5. Ottawa: Gagne - Thornton - Kostitsyn

Ottawa had to do something to replace former top-sixer Steve Sullivan, as he may go poof! in a puff of ice chips and disappear from the db. Thus, Gagne was brought in, and the combo of these three players put them on the map as far as top lines are concerned. One of my favorite Aliens characters is the sweaty, conniving Burke - sound familiar?

6. Florida: Rolston - Gomez - Pominville

Hard to argue with two 80+ point players and a 31 goal scorer on the same line. These aren't exactly household names, but neither is James' sister, and she scores just as frequently. Zzzzing! It's easy to be an internet tough guy, especially when the GM I'm insulting is feasting on kangaroo pita-pouch sandwiches 7,737 miles away.

7. Minnesota: Vrbata - Arnott - Doan

You know, you look at this top line and you think (with a slightly Slavic accent), "meh ... " But look closer. Doan and Arnott tallied over 70 points last year, and Vrbata had a career year himself. Considering the power, speed and savvy this line offers (in addition to production), it deserves its #7 ranking. Wasn't Robert Young Marcus Welby, MD?

8. Phoenix: D. Sedin - H. Sedin - Kotalik

Are the Sedins Siamese twins? They never, never, never are traded separately in any fantasy hockey league - ever - and continue to be linked together in VHA. It's ironic that Chris' top line is top-ten (and significantly better than mine, by the way) considering that, well, he hasn't a clue how to actually score in this game. Maybe that changes this year.

9. St. Louis: Hejduk - Drury - Hossa

I have to admit, I cannot understand Alcide one bit. He couldn't get rid of Zdeno Chara fast enough, to the degree that he even threatened to just sit him on the bench for two years if necessary. He hated him to the degree that he even traded the big club remnants of the Chara trade, flipping Paul Mara. However, he has a pretty sweet top line with these three stars. Not much else, mind you, but a top-ten top line. These guys may have to quadruple-shift this season. At least he'll have a butt-load of cap space in 2009 or 2010 or some other indeterminent year down the line.

10. Atlanta: Heatley - White - Iginla

Todd White is the blemish on this line, as he's the quadruped amidst tetrapods. Heatley and Iggy are as good as they come, however, so expect either a trade for somebody more deserving of top-line status, or a lot of center-to-wing passes. The two superstars overcome enough of White's "whiteness" to still rank Steve #1 and his Atlanta club in the top ten.

11. Anaheim: Whitney - Staal - Stillman

Cracks may be appearing in the elderly facade of this ancient Ducks team, but for now, Whitney and Stillman are still high producers and Staal is one of the better centers in the league. By the way, this is the younger of the top-two lines, as the duck flies. Quack! Craig won't trade Staal for all the tea in China, so stop inquiring, bitches.

12. San Jose: Smyth - Datsyuk - Dumont

I imagine Mike will be sorely tempted to stick Dave Gove up here and deepen his offensive depth. For now, though, these three represent a very good top line. It doesn't really matter, since San Jose does much of its scoring by guys named Gove, Mair and Larsen. I'm not sure there's a player I now hate more in the league than Adam Mair - other than, of course, Dave Gove.

13. Los Angeles: Brown - Jokinen - O'Sullivan

Dustin Brown went from whipping boy to whipping man last season, morphing into one of the top power forwards in the league. Maybe Olli should grow his mohawk again, as he dropped back a bit last season, but Patrick O'Sullivan's point-per-game emergence in the last 30 games of last season give hope to Kings fans everywhere - all 250 of them. My Jokinen is sexier than yours, Martin.

14. Columbus: Gionta - McDonald - Alfredsson

Some names just don't belong in certain sports: Willie is a lightning fast center fielder, not an NHL defenseman, for example. Andy is another name that doesn't really belong in hockey, but this one performs credibly, even if he isn't a true #1 center. Gionta isn't the 48 goal-scorer from two years ago anymore, but Alfredsson is still a studsson. Steve #2's bulb may be a bit dim, but there are players here that can light the lamp.

15. Colorado: Bouchard - Sundin - Sharp

We'd all take any of these three guys on our team, especially the ancient warrior Mats Sundin. Bouchard makes more passes than Bill Clinton at a Curves convention, and Sharp can be really ... you guessed it ... sharp most nights. Kyle must be hoping that Jovo-Cop can play goalie, too.

16. Washington: Kariya - Lecavalier - Erat

Darth could score with my mom (seriously, Will - she could use the action) if he wanted to, so having a studly top line isn't that critical for him, but this makes for a very strong top line, especially if Kariya bounces back this season. I circle the annual LA/Washington meeting on the calendar every year - it's a beating of horrific proportions. Can't I just forfeit?

17. Philadelphia: Zherdev - Carter - Lupul

Considering the fact that Philly put over $11M into four defensemen and is built from the net out, having the 17th best top line is icing on the cake. Of course, I haven't checked my emails yet, so a part of that cake has probably been sent elsewhere today. No major statistical studs here, but the average age here is about half of Anaheim's, so the whelps will continue to improve. Roark goes to the Hyslop school of scoring.

18. Tampa Bay: Nash - M. Richards - Svatos

Boom! Mike Richards was looking like a character guy/good third liner-type guy and then suddenly he explodes with 75 points last season. Rick Nash has "Rocket Richard" written all over him, and Svatos can flat-out score ... if he can stay healthy. Svatos' brittle nature and lack of an all-around game (11 assists last year) knock this line down a few pegs, but it has the potential to improve significantly. Pascal is going to need it, with Darth staking nearby and Matt shining up his President's trophy - not to mention James and Steve #1.

19. Nashville: Steen - Langkow - Gaborik

Daymond Langkow just doesn't seem like he should be anywhere near as good as he is. Maybe he's an optical illusion. Steen's growth appears to have stalled, but hey - it's Toronto (in real life). Meanwhile, Gaborik has shaken off the girl-name to become one of the top right wingers in the game. Larry graduated from the Finkel school of team-building with an A. Oddly, Brian barely passed.

20. Pittsburgh: Malone - Marleau - Sykora

Malone has become one of the better power forwards in the league, and Marleau is looking to rebound from his worst season in years. Meanwhile, Petr Sykora may have lost an "e", but he's found top-line status with 63 points after years of frustratingly aborted production. Talking to Val is like talking to HAL in "2001 - A Space Odyssey" - robotic, black-and-white with just a tinge of delusional paranoia. And that's on a good day.

21. Toronto: Selanne - Antropov - Ryder

Teemu might be 70, but he can party like it's 1999. Ryder was amazingly consistent until last year, when he was amazingly bad. Antropov means finally in Russian. Dave didn't do as well as Roark did at Hyslop's school, but he's done way better than Brian and equally as well as Larry at Brian's.

22. Buffalo: Shanahan - Horcoff - Hemsky

Like Philly, the offense is really just a plus in Buffalo. Shanahan is defying Mother Nature and the physical laws of botox by still producing at age 39, though top-line level is questionable. Horcoff and Hemsky are healthy, though both more playmakers than scorers. There's going to be a lot of passing the puck around by Rob until one of those stinkin' 80+ defensemen gets a clear shot.

23. Boston: Hartnell - Boyes - Demitra

Erich can make this work, even if Hartnell is more of a ho-hum second liner and Demitra means "Ow, my hamstring!" in Czech. Boyes is a man amongst boys now, late-blooming his way to 43 goals last season. The Northeast is just going to be insane this year.

24. New Jersey: Frolov - Ribeiro - Langenbrunner

Obviously, I've got a man-crush on Frolov (Brian, wake up and trade him to me) and Ribeiro has exploded into goodness, but between injuries, age and Langenbrunner, the Devils lose a few notches on the ladder. They've got work to do in other areas, but in a race between a glacier and Brian, I'm not sure who'd win.

25. Calgary: Kovalchuk - Umberger - Satan

I know what you're thinking: "What's the best free porn site on the internet?" Aside from that: "Why would a team with Kovalchuk rank just 25th on this list?" Well, let me 'splain it to you. For one, Kovalchuk struggled mightily on Brett's team last year, for what it's worth, even to the point of being demoted to the third line for a game or two. Secondly, Umberger is a solid second liner, but not really what you'd want up the middle on your top line. Lastly, Satan was bedeviled last year and wound up with his worst season in 11 years. Brett doesn't really care, he and Conforto fight over the scrubs, anyway.

26. Carolina: Brunette - Bergeron - Bernier

There's a palpable sense of "meh" between Brunette (age) and Bernier (stunted development), though Bergeron had two 70 point seasons in the NHL before missing virtually the entire season last year. Does it really matter? Arguably, the 'Canes are better than the President's trophy team they iced last year. What's the French word for bitches?

27. Edmonton: Elias - Conroy - Blake

Trevor is much like Matt or Conforto, in that it really doesn't matter what they put out there on the ice. This might be aptly named The Decline Line, as they've all seen better days, but they can still get it done. No matter what, Edmonton will be in the mix for the best record in the Western conference - again.

28. Vancouver: Lehtinen - Prospal - Ponikarovsky

Well, Luc has made his mark on this team, bringing in a legitimate top line LW in Jere Lehtinen. Unfortunately, it's not enough to raise the rankings above #28, and Luc has graduated from the Alcide school of strange trading strategies, so we'll see where things all end up. Sergiowen must be rolling in his grave.

29. New York Islanders: Fedotenko -Brind'Amour - Ryan

I get the feeling Tom won't put up with the wrong "Feds" playing on his top line. Brindy defies age every year and Ryan is emerging but unproven. Brindy alone gives him a legitimate top line center, but the others might not even dress for Montreal or Detroit. Trade about ten of those 4th rounders to me for Kobasew, Tom.

30. Chicago: Kilger - Morrison - Park

Chad's a great guy, a solid GM and may well be favored to win his division, but (holding nose) whew! - it's hard to pass this off as a top line in major junior hockey, much less the NHL. With respect to free agency, the Blackhawks turned into Blackchickens, as they just couldn't get it done. Then they woke up and realized they had a zillion extra dollars to spend - all dressed up and no one to blow (it on). I trust Chad will be doing something to add actual NHL'ers to his depleted roster. Better hurry.

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The just-completed UFA season was the busiest in VHA history, as teams snapped up a bumper crop of free agents in efforts to bolster their lineups for the upcoming VHA 8 season. The following is one key signing or acquisition per team and its potential benefit for that club's chances this year:

Anaheim - Owen Nolan. Signed by the Ducks for significantly less than the real-life Nolan did with Minnesota this off-season, Anaheim may boast the oldest scoring line in VHA history ("Recchi, to Nolan, to Sakic - he scores!") this year, with apologies to some of Rob Parks' previous teams. This signing fits Craig, as he's never worried much about a pixelated simulation's age to begin with.

Atlanta - Jarome Iginla. Man, talk about a sweet top line: Iginla, Heatley and ... ehh ... Kopecky? Ok, well, maybe two-thirds of one. They may have to work some trade magic to get the caliber of player they need to center those two studs. For a complete computer geek, Steve #1 is never afraid to talk deal. Granted, that description applies to just about all of us.

Boston - Brian Rafalski. The B's lost a lot to free agency, but they sure gained a #1 defenseman when they landed him for a cool $6.5M/year on a four-year deal. The offense may need another piece or two, but these Bruins have been seriously re-tooled. Heh heh heh ... he said "tool".

Buffalo - Tom Gilbert. A year ago, 90% of us would have responded with, "Who the f**k is that?" when his name was mentioned. This year, it's just 50%. Nevertheless, this former 4th rounder inked a nice $3.75M/4 year pact with the Sabres this offseason, continuing Buffalo's long tradition of employing 80+ rated defensemen and then positioning them all either IN the net, or within one foot of the goalie to block everything in sight. Expect more of the same this year.

Calgary - Andreas Lilja. The reason I'm profiling him is because he fits Brett's team-building strategy to a tee: real-life scruboid who will doubtlessly grunt and hammer his way to a good season for the Flames, regardless of his ratings or stature. Has anyone ever seen Brett Johnson and Mike Conforto in the same room at the same time?

Carolina - Brian Campbell. The plum of the free agent defensemen, Campbell had the TT placed on him by Anaheim. Carolina's megabucks $6.85M/4 year offer, however, was too rich for Anaheim's blood - not to mention Campbell being about ten years younger than the Ducks typically like to see in a player. The Canes also nabbed Savard, but need more work on the offense before its all said and done.

Chicago - Andrei Markov. Continuing the offseason of big bucks defensemen signings, Markov had $5.9M reasons to land in Chicago. Unfortunately for Chad, he still has $13.3M reasons to buy more players with basically just Johnson and Conforto-style stiffs still available. No worry, however, as Chicago is always active on the trade front.

Colorado - Ed Jovanovski. Yet ANOTHER big-name defenseman changing teams, this time moving 5,200 feet straight up in the air to the Mile High city. The defense looks pretty damn solid, but the fans are going to be chanting "Bring back Foppa!" if Sundin doesn't get it done this year. It's good to see Chris Neil still on the team - he and Alex Ovechkin had a legendary race for most points after the All Star break a few years ago.

Columbus - Tomas Kaberle. That's seven straight defensemen I've profiled, boys. Kaberle was a TT match by our Newfie-esque Steve #2, who argued with HIMSELF in his own email before finally announcing that he was matching the Kaberle offer sheet and retaining him. This team looks to have about, oh, $53M in available cap space next year with all the UFAs it currently has. Go, BJ's!

Dallas - Jussi Jokinen. When you've already spent $9.3M/4 on arguably the world's greatest player, you can't spend much more than $2.75M/3 on a player to sit on his right wing. Vanek - Crosby - Jokinen should make for one of the better top lines in the league. It's too bad "Toskala" means "Cloutier" (which means "Beach Ball" in French) in Finnish. Just kidding, Martin.

Detroit - Johan Franzen. Inflation caught up with this 28 year old power forward, who notched 27 goals but only 38 points, and yet is making a cool $3M/year over four years. Thy Cup runneth over, Henry. 29 teams now want to piss in it, then dump it over your head.

Edmonton - Mark Streit. Yet ANOTHER large-dollar defensive signing. Curiously, for maybe 2/3rds of the UFA period, Streit was getting little action until finally the Oil stepped up gave him five million reasons to be impressed. A few years ago, Edmonton would only do business with Canadians, but now that the local dollar has exploded, chants of U-S-A! U-S-A! and S-W-I-T-Z-E-R-L-A-N-D! S-W-I-T-Z-E-R-L-A-N-D! reverberate through Rexall Place.

Florida - Scott Gomez. Gomez can now laugh at the retro-70's "Frito Bandito" commercials, as with $28M in his pocket over four years, he could practically buy Frito-Lay. Now only if Hammond were as free with his pocketbook as his cyber counterpart and would actually upgrade from dialup to broadband so that he could play a few damn games.

Los Angeles - Willie Mitchell. Not exactly as sexy a signing as Brian Campbell, but L.A. didn't exactly have the cap room, either. Having lost their first division crown in years, the Kings are adopting division-champion San Jose's no-name strategy this season. I wonder if Conforto would consider a Jokinen-for-Gove deal WITHOUT me having to add a first rounder?

Minnesota - Shane Doan. Considering some of the inflation we saw, this $4.3M/3 deal was pretty reasonable, though 90% of the league has a general bias against 31+ year old players. Val, Craig and sometimes Parks - I'm not talking about you. Keep an eye on the Wild this season.

Montreal - Alexandre Ovechkin. Yes, I know they obtained him two years ago, but $9M/year for two years is worth reporting. With Luongo now firmly esconced in Vancouver, the Habs may figure they need to borrow a bit from the (everyone get ready to cringe here) Elliot Grossbard playbook and outscore their opponents. Speaking of which, has anyone ever seen Elliot and Sergio in the ... n/m.

Nashville - Daymond Langkow. Is this finally the year Larry breaks through? Slowly but surely, this team is looking better and better, and the Preds fought the good fight much of last season before falling short. Langkow and Gaborik make for most of a really nice top line. Of course, with 100 trades left for him to go this offseason, who knows how it will all ultimately shake out.

New Jersey - Mike Ribeiro. After decisively remaining indecisive, Brian threw caution to the wind and landed him with a $5M/4 deal. This team appears to have "sleeper" written all over it. Of course, one could say that about its coach/GM as well.

New York Islanders - Chris Phillips. Back to the defensemen! Phillips is noteworthy as a TT'd player who was wooed away by a well-structured offer. The Islanders have a bit of San Jose/Calgary in them with a studs-and-scrubs lineup, but with a gigantic farm system, the future is bright. Now, if only Tom can get keep his mitts off the drunken female barflies long enough to play all of his games ...

New York Rangers - Henrik Lundqvist. Not a ton of cap room in the land of obnoxiously partisan citizens, traffic jams and dilapidated skyscrapers, so big-name free agents weren't really in the offing. However, Lundqvist solidified New York's goaltending for four years by signing a $5.5M/year pact. I miss the cigar-chomping car salesman avatar we had for Art on the old board. Bring it back!

Ottawa - Simon Gagne. Trading for Gagne gave the Senators a bona fide top line of Gagne, Thornton and Sullivan, though the latter was out all year with injuries, so his future is uncertain. The Sens have been cap-strapped ever since, however, so work needs to be done to give them a little more flexibility - not that Rob isn't above attempting a little creative structuring when need be.

Philadelphia - Todd Bertuzzi. Don't unpack your bags, Bert. Having said that, all is well in Flyer-land, as they appear able to roll out four solid lines, a strong defense and capable goaltending. If Bill sticks with this team through the summer, I'll eat my hat. Whaddaya know, just as I'm writing this, a three-team deal involving the Flyers just popped into my email box. Big shock!

Phoenix - Rick DiPietro. A trade this offseason netted them 99-ietro, and the club appears to be building around him. Good thing, as Phoenix scored about a goal every third game last year, or at least it seemed that way. The Sedins hope to help turn that around this year.

Pittsburgh - Alex Kovalev. After getting denied on a few earlier tries, Val finally opened up his wallet and slathered Kovalev with a deal he just couldn't refuse: $6.25M/3. His team may have an average age of about 48, but the pieces appear to be there and the farm is burgeoning with wanna-be's, so there's hope amidst the recessionary rust belt steel mill workers.

St. Louis - Milan Hejduk. St. Louis forgot a zero or two in most of their initial free agent offers, as the players laughed at the palpably low numbers. Toward the end of the process, however, Al figured out that more money = better chances and landed Hejduk with a $6M/4 year offer. A strange trading strategy and an early desire to clear cap space for NEXT season may make this one a long one for St. Louis fans, but we'll see.

San Jose - Dave Gove. I'm sorry, I just HAD to profile him. As I was losing something like five out of eight games against SJ last year, guys like Gove were killing me. Gove becomes a UFA, sits there unwanted for a while until - kaPOW! - San Jose re-acquires with with a three-year, $500k offer. I love it. Gove - Mair - Battaglia may end up being the most overachieving scoring line in VHA history this year, usurping the Gove - Mair - Tapper line LAST year.

Tampa - Dan Boyle. Defense rules! $5.5M/3 makes Boyle a very happy man. This appears to be a team in transition, but with Brodeur in net and some pieces in place, they may surprise, although the division is just ridiculously strong. 90-year old seniors can learn to love hockey down there - if they can just stay awake long enough.

Toronto - Michael Ryder. "Easy" had his offer sheet matched by the Leafs, so he's sticking around for $3M/4. The defense and goaltending look to be the strongest part of this team, however, though a goodly amount of cap space exists for Andrews to continue to paint with. Unlike the real Leafs, this one can make the playoffs.

Vancouver - Vaclav Prospal. Adios, Owen. After his complete disappearance, Sergiowen took over management of the team and landed a few very nice pieces, especially Prospal ($5.25M/4). Prior to that, the lineup was looking decidedly Dave Gove-ish. Now watch Gove beat me give more times a year on Conforto's second line.

Washington - Sergei Samsonov. Welcome back, Sergei! Will's always had an unnatural love for this Russian off-again, on-again sniper. Last year's resurgence netted him a $2.5M/4 year deal with the Caps. Of course, Will can score with anyone - even Dave Gove.

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